My Little Man!

Just some pics of my sweet little guy! (out of order of course-the last one is of him just a couple days old)

Kian is absolutely adorable and stealing all of our hearts. I'm afraid he's going to be one spoiled boy because we all love him so much. He has a pretty content personality and is a wonderful sleeper so far. This past week has been a little rough because of his circumcision, but he is getting better and happier as each day comes.

He loves to be wrapped tight to sleep and snuggled on mommy's chest. We are loving all of the snuggly blankets he has since he is my only winter baby.

He loves his ocean bouncy chair with the vibration and "white noise" on. He doesn't like his swing (poor me)!

He thinks he is starving the past few days and has been eating every two hours. He should only be eating about 1 1/2 ounces for his age but easily sucks down 2-3 and wants more. Uh oh-maybe I"ll finally have a chubby kid!

He has big, beautiful eyes and is very expressive. He started smiling this week and cooed for the first time yesterday. He did it twice again today-absolutely the cutest thing ever when he works up his whole body to make one tiny sound. Love it!

I can't believe he is already 3 weeks old and wish I could freeze time since I love the newborn stage. It is a lot of work but so rewarding since he is so sweet, innocent, and straight from heaven. I definitely think we'll keep him!!!

He is here!!!

Kian James Hassman

January 5, 2010

6:51 pm

7 lb 13 oz 19 inches

ADORABLE

I am so excited my little boy is finally here! Who knew I'd be so smitten with a boy but I definitely am already. I can't stop kissing him and staring at him. We are home and he is barely 1 day old but I can't stand staying in the hospital any longer than I have to. I'm still figuring out the changing a boy's diaper thing (poor guy already peed on himself twice), but I'm learning and can't wait for all the other adventures he will bring.

I will post more pictures later but for now, I'm exhausted and am going to bed while Kian is sleeping. He is completely tuckered out after a day of tests, visitors, and trying to figure out this crazy, scary world!

Aaahhh....

This little baby boy of mine is being stubborn! I am so ready for him to come out. After trying to come early at 34 weeks (hospital stay and two weeks of meds to keep him in), I thought for sure he would have been here by now. I've been having "teaser" contractions for the last 4 weeks and am getting impatient. I think it's worse waiting when you get your hopes up that he might come early. We already missed the tax deduction for 2009 and the met deductible for 2009, so I don't know what he's waiting for! Anyone know of any tricks to get him here that I haven't already tried?

My doctor has been out of town since Christmas Eve so I haven't had a chance to be induced, but I'm planning on it for Tuesday when he's back in town. I've never had to be induced and have had all my babies with no "drugs" so I'm a little scared of whether I can handle Pitocin. I've heard it's bad! Anyway, just a little venting to get out my frustration. I'm so excited to have this little guy and want to see what he looks like (and I don't want him to get any bigger than he already is!) that I can hardly stand it.

Send any ideas my way if you have the "secret"-I'm sure I've already tried it, but I'm willing to try again!

Restored!!!

So after technical support called me (my husband) and walked me through finding the picture folder I deleted (who knew to look in the recycle bin?), I now have all of my pictures back. Yeah-I'm so happy to have a computer savvy husband who saves me all of the time with my computer whoes. Here are the pictures that should have been with the last post!

NO PICS

I sat down to post about Halloween and copy my pictures off my camera to my computer, but accidentally deleted all the pictures somehow. I am so sad! All of the Halloween pictures, Jim's hunting pics, our puppie's first bath, and some cute pics of the girls raking leaves were all deleted. I am so awful-sometimes I hate technology and wish I was smarter in the computer area. I know it is not that hard and I have copied pictures hundreds of times, but I guess I missed a step this time. WAAAHH!!!

Halloween was fun this year and busy as usual! The girls looked adorable in their costumes and came home with quite the loot! Ashtyn was a devel; Jordyn a bunny, and Avery a butterfly. This was one of their cutest years for costumes and I'm so bummed to not have the pics. I helped with both of the school parties and after bending over and over to pick up rings off of pop cans for 45 minutes, I decided it wasn't the best idea for a 71/2 month prego lady. It hurt for a couple of hours after!

Jim flew in around 3:00 Halloween day-just in time to grab a shower (he'd been awake for almost 60 hours and on a plane for 42 hours) and make my mom's Halloween dinner. He was such a good sport and when he accidentally fell asleep on my mom's couch, Ashtyn prodded him with her Devil's pitchfork to get him up to go trick-or-treating.

We didn't carve pumpkins this year because I didn't want to do it by myself, but the girls and I did make sugar cookies and read three new Halloween books one evening. Although three weeks without a husband was hard and lasted forever, it was nice being able to spend so much time with my girls. They truly are great kids and make my days pretty easy! We got daddy home for a whole week but he left again Monday morning for another possible two weeks.

I miss my husband

I think pregnancy is making me an emotional crybaby. For the last two weeks, I can start crying in less than a second. Maybe its due to the fact that I haven't seen my husband in a week and he still has two more weeks out of town. He doesn't fly in until 3:00 on Halloween day. AAHHH! I'm usually fine when he goes out of town and have gotten used to it over the past 6 years that he's been traveling. But I've been so uneasy about this trip because he has to go to Uganda, Africa. Maybe it's my lack of knowledge about this country, or because I've only heard all the negative about tribal politics, raping of women/children, corrupt leaders, kidnappping of visitors, etc. All I know is I've had this fear in the back of my head and I don't know if it's me freaking myself out or something legit. Yucky feeling!

I just hope the next two weeks goes quickly because I really am missing my sweety. And not just for the help with kids (dog, horse, house....) because I'm tired and pregnant; I miss his companionship, humor, love, kindness, support, and overall great-guyness (no-not a word but I like it anyway!). He really is the perfect husband for me and it is times like this one that makes me realize it and appreciate & love him even more.

Thanks for letting me vent and if you see me with tears the next couple of weeks (months), just chalk it up to me being fat and pregnant! Now go kiss your husbands, tell them you love them, and be thankful they're home-even if they are driving you crazy!

Meet Jane

This is our new horse Jane. She is quite the beauty with a very gentle, laid back personality. After deciding the two young colts would need more training time than Jim could give, he traded them both for this older, not-so-crazy mare. I feel much better about the horse situation now and even though I am still scared, I know Jane is a lot safer than the colts. The kids love her and have already ridden her a couple of times. Hay for one horse is also much cheaper than for two!

Jim is happy because he's been able to take her on a few long rides and says she's done great. He tried to get me to ride, but I think I'll wait till after I'm pregnant. Unless I get impatient towards the end and need a little bumpy ride to get things going!

BTW-don't you love the little girls socks and sandles? They are both into patterned, funny socks and like to pick out what they wear.No way would I have ever let Ashtyn get away with this when she was little, but hey, by the third kid who cares, right?

School Days

Jordyn and Avery go to preschool together this year and are absolutely loving it. They have the greatest teacher ever (we found her with Ashtyn and will never need to look elsewhere!) and are excited every day to go. They ask almost every night, "Do I have school tomorrow?" Avery has been talking about homework lately because she brought home a practice sheet of A's on Monday. She came home, sat right up to the table and worked on her homework. Jordyn helped her write her A's and it was so sweet to watch. Now Avery has been telling everyone all week "yeah, I have homework. I always have homework". They are both growing up so fast, and both extremely adorable!

I can't believe Ashtyn is in 2nd grade. She absolutely loves school and is doing so great. She got the teacher she wanted this year and is excelling in everything. She joined the "homework club" because she wanted to stay longer at school everyday, and she just got put into the Discovery program for gifted/talented students. I know, just a little bit of bragging information. She has been great with her sisters the last few weeks and is playing school with them right now. She wants to be a teacher when she grows up (as well as a veterenarian and a "worker at Papa's restaurant") and loves to be in any leadership position. She will be starting basketball in a couple of weeks and I can't wait to see how she'll do already knowing she is the smallest on the team. She definitely didn't get Daddy's height jeans-poor girl-I hope she makes it to 5 feet!

As for me-I am loving having them all in school. I get 2 hours to myself three days a week and have been able to go to the gym (the girl's preschool is literally 1 mile from the gym and across town so I have no excuse to drive all the way back home). Although I have been finding excuses to skip the gym and go grocery shopping or baby boy shopping on some of the days all by myself! I don't know if working out is doing any good anyway with the massive appetite I've had lately. Carrying a boy has definitely been different than my girls and I am already huge-as big as I was when I delivered both Jordyn and Avery. Scary to admit but just giving you all a warning so when you see me you won't think I'm due next week. Kind of depressing that I still have almost 3 months to go. Bring on the chub!

It's a GIRL!!!

The baby is still a boy (hopefully), but we have another new little one running around and keeping us (me) busy. I had a moment of weakness/niceness at the fair a few weeks ago and let the kids and Jim come home with a puppy. What was I thinking? I have been adamant about "no dog" the last couple of years-we don't even have a fence. I've also been pretty adamant about only wanting a Lab once we do get a puppy. Jim has wanted some sort of "cow dog" to be around his horses, but I think all of the "cow" breeds are ugly. Well this little girl is a black lab/heeler mix, which fits our criteria perfectly. She looks mostly like a lab with white spotted paws that make her so cute. I've never seen Jim get so instantly attached to a dog, and Ashtyn has been begging for one for the past couple of years. So I guess this is for my husband and daughter!

But guess who is taking the most care of her? Yes-Me! Jim has been out of town every week since we got her and is now hunting for 7 days. Did I mention she is only 8 weeks, not potty-trained, and loves to chew(especially the girls ankles)? So I am desperately trying to potty train her (yes, waking up in the middle of the night; yes, cleaning up "accidents" and scooping poo from the yard) and teach her some manners before I have another little newborn to take care of in a few months. Ashtyn has been pretty great with her and takes her potty before school, plays with her when she gets home, and makes sure she gets fed and watered.

We named her Ellie and she is pretty adorable, just a lot of work. I just keep imagining when she's not so little anymore and the poop piles get bigger (in the snow). What fun! Combined with the horse, cat, fish, suburban, and almost 4 kids, we are turning into the typical American "Fam Damily"! Maybe we should move to a farm 'cause the little girls are now wanting a goat!

The results are in...

Let me just say our trip to Park City this weekend will be tons of fun because I get to do something I've never done before.


Shop for a BOY!!!!!!


That's right...I know it's shocking but there was no mistaking during the ultrasound this morning. We are definitely getting a baby boy and couldn't be more thrilled. Jim hasn't stopped smiling all day. I'm still a little shocked myself but will quickly get into boy mode once I hit the stores!

By the way.....Did I mention......

Horrible picture, I know! I showed this to several people and they could not figure it out. They thought I was having a barbecue! I only had a hot dog bun in the house at the time and couldn't get the whole wall oven in without it being too far away. I'm definitely having more than a barbecue and am already getting big. We find out next week whether we'll be adding another girl or if Jim will finally get some more testoterone in the house--so excited and can't wait to find out!

Now I need to catch up on our summer before it's gone in a few weeks!

Catch Up

I've been horrible-I know. I will try to play catch up over the next couple of weeks for the sake of journaling these events for memories later on. I promise we've been busy-I've just never been a camera happy person so I don't take pictures like I should. I need to change that and capture these darling girls more before they grow up before my eyes.

Easter was great this year! It was so nice to have sunshine. The girls looked beautiful in blue; the Easter bunny did not dissapoint, and the girls had fun dying eggs. We didn't make it to any easter egg hunts this year because I had to work over the weekend, but the girls always hide their eggs in the house over and over for eachother to find and have fun that way.

Happy Birthday Avery!

Avery has been going to preschool with Jordyn for the last couple of months and absolutely loves it. She was the birthday girl today!

I can't get enough of my sweet Avery. I don't want her to be three today because it means she is no longer my baby. I have enjoyed her so much and want her to stay little. She is at the cutest stage right now, learning so much and acting like a big girl, yet still snuggling me and giving me kisses whenever I ask. She is quite the little spunk with a stubborn streak-but it makes her even more irresistible. I'm so glad she decided to join our family on her own terms-suprising the heck out of all of us and making things a little hard (with two babies!!) but bringing so much love and happiness. I love you little one and hope you have a great birthday (now stay little forever!!!).

Scary Night

I am feeling very lucky and blessed this morning to have my sweet Jordyn with me. We all went to see the horses last night and while we were petting one of them, he got spooked and kicked Jordyn (it could have been avoided if I was being more careful). I was so scared because it knocked her a couple of feet to the ground and I thought for sure she was laying there dead. I thought she was kicked in the chest and worried about internal bleeding, so I just scooped her up, jumped in the truck and drove to the ER. She seemed to be okay but I still wanted her checked out because she is so tiny. I realized when we got there that the horse had actually kicked her in the thigh, which was a big relief. Everything checked out fine, and she left with a deep muscle bruise and a cute, green frog. She was so brave and looked adorable in the little hospital gown. Of course I didn't have my camera!

As I think about what could have happened last night, I realize how lucky Jordyn is to be just fine. Jim says because of the height of the the horse and the position of his legs, she should have been hit high in her chest or even her head. He believes there was an angel that pushed the horse's leg lower. I can't help but cry as I'm writing this knowing how many angels we have in heaven that could have been with her. A horse kick can be really serious, especially on such a little body. I'm just so thankful it wasn't this time.

This experience has me really confused as to what to do with the horses. I know he wasn't trying to hurt her or be malicious or anything; he just got spooked, which can happen any time to any horse. The unpredictability is what scares me so bad. Horses are such huge, powerful animals, and I have always been afraid of them. A friend of mine got drug to death by a horse in 6th grade; the people who we bought the horses from lost their adult son from a kick to the head; my mom has been bucked flat on her back by one; and I've heard of so many stories of horse accidents turned tragic. I don't know if it's worth having horses to me knowing my kids could be in danger. Unfortunately, as much as I'm NOT passionate about horses, my husband IS passionate about them. It has always been his dream to own horses and ride them with his family. I only agreed to get the horses last year knowing how happy it would make Jim.

So what should I do? Jim and I have been talking the last couple of days (before this happened) about how horses might not fit into our lives right now. They are a financial strain, Jim's schedule is so busy at work that he can't give them the amount of time they need right now to be trained, and although the girls do like them, they'd rather have a swingset. So would I... I know myself well enough to admit that I'll never be comfortable around horses enough to let go of my fear about them. Because I'm not comfortable/relaxed around them, I don't know the best way to handle them. If I did, I would have realized the girls and I weren't in a safe position last night and could have seen the horse's agitation enough to get the girls away from him. Jordyn being kicked could have been avoided, but I'm not experienced enough with horses to have realized that. The minute she was kicked, my decision was made to get rid of the horses. Jim doesn't feel the same. He thinks it is better for the girls to be raised around horses so they'll learn how to handle them and not be scared. He will also be heartbroken if he has to get rid of them.

Can you see my dilemma? Take away my husband's dream and happiness or risk my children's safety? It seems like an easy answer, but it could end up affecting our marriage if Jim gives up his horses for me and regrets it later. He would always blame me, and that's a lot of guilt to carry around. Advice anyone?

Happy Birthday Jordyn!!!

Happy Birthday, sweet Jordyn!

She's going to break some hearts, huh? This is one of my absolute favorite pictures of Jordyn. She is absolutely gorgeous to me! I can't believe she is 4 today. I know all moms say that, but poor little Jordyn has been stuck in the middle and is growing up too fast. Just the other day she was telling me that 2+1=3, and 4+1=5, and so on until she got to 10. So cute! Watch out boys--she's smart and beautiful!
Jordyn has always been the sweet, lover of the family. She loves to kiss and hug her sisters and would snuggle me all day if I'd let her. Sometimes I call her the leach because she is always right by me, hugging my leg or trying to kiss my face. She wants lots of hugs at night and when I ask why, she says "I just love you so much, Mom!" I guess that's what matters most, huh? Jordyn has always been especially kind and caring. She is one of the best sharers I know and is always giving things up for Avery-the younger, persistent sister! She always brings a book home from pre-school for Avery and shares her treats before she even eats one. She always lets Avery have the spoon, cup, plate, color, etc. she wants and gives it to her without even being asked (I'm afraid this is spoiling Avery!). She does have an attitude at times but for the most part is a very sweet, little girl. She has the most infectious, sincere laugh that can't help make us all smile and laugh. She has definitely brought sunshine into our lives and I'm so thankful and lucky to be her mother.

"I like to move it, move it"

Ashtyn had her first "research" project at school (in 1st grade). Their class was studying animals of the rain forest and jungle, and Ashtyn picked Lemur from the list. I totally thought it was some kind of leopard or cat of some sorts at first and before I saw a picture of one (I'm so stupid), but then Ashtyn told me it was like the monkeys on Madagascar. Their assignment was to look up a few facts about their animal (habitat, diet, looks, unique info., etc.) and make a habitat box. Do you know how hard it is to find a Lemur in this town. We went to every toy store trying to find some type of figurine or stuffed animal. I finally resorted to the internet and ended up ordering some from Duke University. Ashtyn could have just colored a picture of one or something, but of course she wanted one that looked real. Spoiled child!

The funny thing about her choosing a lemur is we used to watch Madagascar several times a day a few years ago when Jordyn was a baby. She loved that movie so much and wanted the song "move it, move it" over and over. She couldn't even walk yet but would sit and dance and scream to that song. We even had a "Madagascar Theme" for her 1st b-day party. It was fun that the girls got so excited over a school project. They play with the lemurs all the time and even named them "Blackie" and "Stripey". I'm sure this is the beginning of several school projects that will only get harder and harder. Good thing that's what a Dad is for!

Happy Birthday Ashlee!!!

Yesterday was my sister's birthday. It was a beautiful, sunny day---just like her. Ashlee would have turned 28, and I can't believe how many years have gone by. My mom mentioned that in 4 years, Ashlee will have been dead for as many years as she lived. That just sounds crazy--and extremely sad! I know Ashlee was meant to be with her Father in Heaven; that is one truth we were assured of in her sudden death. But every Spring on her b-day, I can't help but feel that she would be adding her own beautiful sunshine to this gloomy world. Ashlee was so much like the Spring-giving happiness and hope to so many after a long, dark, cold winter. Spring makes us feel alive again. It gives us purpose and motivation for warm, sunny days. It greets us with a smile when we feel we have nothing left to smile about. That is how I think of Ashlee-warming all those around her with her infectious smile; touching others with her caring and loving personality.
It was so fitting that just the other day (a few days before her b-day), I ran into a guy from high school that I hadn't seen in years. After Ashlee died, we received a letter from him explaining that he was inspired to go on a mission because of Ashlee. They had seminary together, and he wasn't having a very good year: not many friends, felt alone, didn't want to be in seminary, outcast, etc. But on the first day of class, Ashlee smiled and befriended him in a way that no one ever had. She continued to be kind to him each day, and they developed a special friendship because of her christ-like love for him (and everyone else). He told us he decided to go on a mission because he wanted the chance to make others feel as good as Ashlee had made him feel. I think that is the ultimate compliment and description of Ashlee---she just made you feel good! She didn't care who you were, what you looked like, what you wore, who you hung out with, or what others would think if she were your friend. She smiled and loved people anyway. I wish she was still here to show others just how important that is.

Even though it's been 12 years since she died, Jen and I still feel that we are missing a piece of our "sisterhood". When we pose for a picture together, she should be right there with us. It shouldn't be us standing over her grave. I've missed her so much, especially since I've had my own daughters. I imagine what my girls' relationship would be with her and how much she would love them. It makes me sad that they will never know her in this life; never witness how her smile touches other's instantly. Both Jen and I can see traits of Ashlee in our own children, and we are so thankful that little pieces of her are living on. I tried to explain to Jordyn while we were at the cemetery that her middle name is from Ashlee. Even though she was more interested in the pine cones, I think she understood that it is a special name and that Ashlee lives in Heaven with Heavenly Father. A lot to comprehend for a three-year-old!

(They put their hands up to block the sun right when I took the picture-Avery was sleeping)

I'm thankful for Spring and it's new beginnings. I'm thankful for the special time it brings each year for me to reflect on Ashlee and how beautiful she was in every way. I'm thankful for the sunshine to remind me of Ashlee's example of how to treat and love others. I'm thankful to be able to share her with my girls even though they haven't met her on this earth. I'm thankful to live within 2 miles of the cemetery-I can see it from my house and can see my house while standing at Ashlee's grave. (Maybe that's the reason I felt so connected to the lot before we built.) Mostly, I'm thankful for a beautiful sister who continues to touch my life in so many ways, and who I can't wait to see again.

Did EASTER sneak up on anyone else this year?

Haircuts!!!

I'm not even going to make excuses for not blogging because really, I just haven't made it a priority. But as I continue to look at all of your's, I miss not updating mine. I forget sometimes that this is my journal. This is where I keep track of my girlies! We are so not normal in that we have never had a video camera. Sometimes it makes me sad seeing others captured memories of when their babies are little and knowing I don't have those to look back on. I never thought we needed a video camera because I would "remember" everything. Yeah right! Now I regret not recording their sweet little voices and milestones as they are growing up. Thus-I need to make an effort at updating my blog. I
have never been a "picture taker" and hardly ever have my camera with me. But as I've read and heard about so many little ones who have passed away lately and seen the pictures of their short lives, I'm inspired to take more pictures of my sweet girls. How awful it would be to lose a child and not have pictures to carry you through the grief!

The girls all needed haircuts a few weeks ago, and Ashtyn took the plunge and wanted it short. She no longer does ballett (sniff, cry, tears, etc. from me-not her!! Another story, another time) so since she doesn't need long hair for buns anymore, I let her pick how she wanted it cut. Turned out so cute and makes her look older! She had about 7 inches cut off and it was kind of sad seeing her hair all over the ground. Avery has always loved haircuts and keeping her hair short. I love her little A-line! Jordyn loves her hair long and only got a trim. It's so funny to see how each of my girls are so different. I love taking them all to the salon and seeing them smile to themselves in the mirrors. What can I say? They like to be pampered like their mommy.

All so cute! I have always wanted all girls and have enjoyed them so much. I'm getting so baby hungry and think I have finally talked Jim into "thinking about it" sometime in the next couple of years. I want two more but will only get one so I'm hoping there is another sweet girl waiting for us!

Gracie Girl

My heart has been heavy this past week as I've been following the story of this precious baby girl. Her family had to say goodbye to her today and my heart is aching for them. I'm so thankful they have shared her life through their blog, which has touched the lives of so many. I'm sure it will touch yours as well as you read through her incredible journey. I know the power of prayer can be so strong and I ask you to include Gracie's family in your prayers as I've done with hundreds of others this week.

http://thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com

Even though my heart is breaking for this family, I can't help but feel grateful that I have three beautiful, healthy little girls to hold onto everday. I am so blessed and lucky to be their mother. Stories like Gracie's are so quick to touch my heart and life and seem to inspire me to be a better mother each day. Even though I fail on numerous occasions, I hope at the end of each day my girls know how much I love them. How I wish the world would stop for a day so I could spend it just holding, loving, and hugging my precious daughters for the entire day. No dishes, No laundry, No work, No computer, No chores, No school, No carpool, No Nothing-Just love!