Scary Night

I am feeling very lucky and blessed this morning to have my sweet Jordyn with me. We all went to see the horses last night and while we were petting one of them, he got spooked and kicked Jordyn (it could have been avoided if I was being more careful). I was so scared because it knocked her a couple of feet to the ground and I thought for sure she was laying there dead. I thought she was kicked in the chest and worried about internal bleeding, so I just scooped her up, jumped in the truck and drove to the ER. She seemed to be okay but I still wanted her checked out because she is so tiny. I realized when we got there that the horse had actually kicked her in the thigh, which was a big relief. Everything checked out fine, and she left with a deep muscle bruise and a cute, green frog. She was so brave and looked adorable in the little hospital gown. Of course I didn't have my camera!

As I think about what could have happened last night, I realize how lucky Jordyn is to be just fine. Jim says because of the height of the the horse and the position of his legs, she should have been hit high in her chest or even her head. He believes there was an angel that pushed the horse's leg lower. I can't help but cry as I'm writing this knowing how many angels we have in heaven that could have been with her. A horse kick can be really serious, especially on such a little body. I'm just so thankful it wasn't this time.

This experience has me really confused as to what to do with the horses. I know he wasn't trying to hurt her or be malicious or anything; he just got spooked, which can happen any time to any horse. The unpredictability is what scares me so bad. Horses are such huge, powerful animals, and I have always been afraid of them. A friend of mine got drug to death by a horse in 6th grade; the people who we bought the horses from lost their adult son from a kick to the head; my mom has been bucked flat on her back by one; and I've heard of so many stories of horse accidents turned tragic. I don't know if it's worth having horses to me knowing my kids could be in danger. Unfortunately, as much as I'm NOT passionate about horses, my husband IS passionate about them. It has always been his dream to own horses and ride them with his family. I only agreed to get the horses last year knowing how happy it would make Jim.

So what should I do? Jim and I have been talking the last couple of days (before this happened) about how horses might not fit into our lives right now. They are a financial strain, Jim's schedule is so busy at work that he can't give them the amount of time they need right now to be trained, and although the girls do like them, they'd rather have a swingset. So would I... I know myself well enough to admit that I'll never be comfortable around horses enough to let go of my fear about them. Because I'm not comfortable/relaxed around them, I don't know the best way to handle them. If I did, I would have realized the girls and I weren't in a safe position last night and could have seen the horse's agitation enough to get the girls away from him. Jordyn being kicked could have been avoided, but I'm not experienced enough with horses to have realized that. The minute she was kicked, my decision was made to get rid of the horses. Jim doesn't feel the same. He thinks it is better for the girls to be raised around horses so they'll learn how to handle them and not be scared. He will also be heartbroken if he has to get rid of them.

Can you see my dilemma? Take away my husband's dream and happiness or risk my children's safety? It seems like an easy answer, but it could end up affecting our marriage if Jim gives up his horses for me and regrets it later. He would always blame me, and that's a lot of guilt to carry around. Advice anyone?